I invited into my subconscious the likes of Worry, Dread, Guilt, and Guilt's good buddy, Shame. Trying to add some diversity, I invited Motivation. The last time I saw Motivation was at the gym, but I didn't make eye contact since Motivation suspected I was flirting with Temptation. I also invited Motivation's besty, Pride. Pride is always a blast at parties but probably opted out due to that awkward run in with Bragging at my last pity-party.
Since Motivation did not even bother to RSVP, I was not surprised when Motivation and Pride didn't show up at my pity-party. I learned later that they threw their own party at the gym on the same day as my party.
I was, however, surprised that Stress Induced Eating showed up since I did not invite Stress induced Eating, who brought a friend, Insomnia, a terrible bully. It's just gossip, but, these two are big enemies of Motivation and Pride. You do the math.
Since Stress Induced Eating, Insomnia, Worry, Dread and Guilt get along so well, they had a wonderful time. They stayed up until an ungodly hour, eating nachos and surfing the internet on my computer. They called up some of their out of town friends (Regret, Resentment and Negativity) and invited them to crash my pity-party. I heard that Regret, Resentment and Negativity refused to make the long drive, but I'm certain they are responsible for the T.P. in the yard.
Just when I didn't think things couldn't get any more out of control, Disdain showed up. Of course, Disdain doesn't go anywhere without Fear and Loathing. As you can imagine, these three had their way with all the guests at my pity party. Not even Animosity could compete for the spotlight.
The party began to lose steam. Eventually, Stress Induced Eating's ex, Sensibility, showed up, taking all the leftover nachos with them. Insomnia's ride, Guided Meditation, picked up Insomnia, Worry and Dread. They were running out of room in the car, so they decided to leave Relaxation at my house in trade for Guilt and Shame. Animosity hitch hiked, and Disdain went unconscious in the driveway next to an empty keg.
Fear and Loathing called Embarrassment to come get them. Embarrassment only came to a slow roll, and didn't even get out of the car, probably because Embarrassment wasn't initially invited.
Left in the wake of my pity-party were some empty bottles of Apology and a few cans of Hormones. It could be months before I get the smell of Discomfort out of the carpets.
I won't soon invite any of those fools back to my place.
Wondering if there was any food left in the fridge, I found one slice of cold, Humble Pie, which I ate while I called up Motivation and Pride to see how their party was.
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