Sweet Jesus

In the margin of my Facebook page, there is a disturbing ad.
 I can deal with the Meth Hotline ad. I can deal with the Math Tutors,  Tough Mudders, and 2-for1 Car Wash ad. I can even deal with the Credit Counseling and Ultra Sound Techs Wanted. It tests my patience to no end to be forced to learn that Racheal Ray lost 43lbs, and no, I'm not at all curious to know how she did it.

Selected by Big Brother (or whatever internet behaviorist is currently watching my habits and trending) the ads are synced with my Facebook status updates by keyword. For example, a status update on Facebook that contains the word 'diarrhea' will yield customized ad results to include things like: Malaria Vaccine, Carpet Cleaning, Home Remedies for Stain Removal and an invitation to 'like' the Pepto Page.

Even at my lowest and most socially isolated, I don't think I would ever friend Pepto. At least not publicly. But, I would never friend Racheal Ray, either. So, I doubt that anyone really knows anything about my lifestyle since none of the ads shoved down my subconscious throat apply to me at all.

 Nevertheless, there is no escaping the very real sense that someone is watching me. Nothing like a little internet provoked paranoia.

After updating my status to include something about the upcoming Easter holiday, the ads in my Facebook margin flipped over like plastic digits on an old Baseball scoreboard.

"Go to Church Faster!" Seems a little bossy and judgmental to me, but it certainly got my attention.

Alright, Facebook. Don't make me go Jesus on your ass.

In my opinion, there are two things in this world that are things you just don't mess with. 1: Jesus and 2: God.  I also have personal feelings about using the phrase 'I hate you'. However, I've lived long enough (and been divorced hard enough) to admit that sometimes there is nothing left but Hate, so I'm willing to concede the Hate clause.

 But I will not budge on Jesus (and/or) God.

After closer review, it was discovered that my aging eyes had skewed the message and the ad actually reads: Go to Church This Easter!

Oh, well in that case.

Wait.

That's still not better. Is this really a commercial for God? On my Facebook page?

As if I can just go to the Market and get some Sweet Tart flavored jelly beans and some plastic eggs filled with Jesus and the Holy Spirit? Perhaps I can ask my husband to pick up some Body of Christ when he stops for milk on the way home, or stuff the kid's baskets with chocolate bunnies and Deliverance from Sin?

I would rather be invited to 'like' the Easter Bunny's Facebook page than admit that we are at a point in our Human existence that we are advertising church, and God on Facebook in the same tiny column as Racheal Ray and Pepto.

I hate that.